What does it mean to set boundaries for yourself?
The purpose of setting boundaries is to protect and take of ourselves. And this means that we need to communicate this with other people.
Setting boundaries is important for all aspects of all relationships, including the relationship with yourself.
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How to set personal healthy boundaries
Setting boundaries in relationships
What are we protecting ourselves from?
Relationships are an integral part of our human experience here on planet earth. They can cause the most joy, love, and abundance. But they can also cause the most pain, trauma, and heartache.
Setting a boundary in a relationship sets a standard and expectation from the get-go. If we don’t do this, we put ourselves at risk of all kinds of toxic behaviours, as well as physical, mental, and emotional abuse.
People will treat us how we permit them to treat us.
To put it simply, setting a boundary in a relationship shows that we have self-worth and respect and that we simply won’t tolerate bad behaviour toward us.
Seems fair, right?
It might be a time for you to reflect on the relationships in your life and identify the ones that no longer serve you.
Setting a boundary isn’t an attempt to control another person
Unfortunately, some people will be taken back by your boundaries and see it as a threat. They will feel like it’s an attempt to control them or the relationship.
Coming from a place of kindness and authenticity will show the other person that it isn’t an attack. You may even consider being vulnerable and sharing with them your thoughts and feelings. The bottom line is, you are doing this for your own good.
How do you assert boundaries?
There is a simple 4-step process to assert your boundaries.
Step 1
State that their behaviour is not okay with you.
Step 2
If they cross the line again, you reaffirm why it’s not okay with you.
Step 3
When the behaviour persists, you remind them of the consequences if they continue the behaviour.
Step 4
Follow through with your actions. You must do what you said you were going to do. If you don’t, not only will other people take you less seriously, but you’ll also be dramatically impacting your self-worth and confidence.
What are examples of healthy boundaries?
Someone with a healthy boundary will:
- Value their own opinion.
- Won’t compromise on their personal core values for other people.
- They can share important information without oversharing or under sharing.
- Knows their wants and needs and can communicate them well with the other person.
- They learn to accept when someone says no.
Let’s say that you have a friend who keeps wanting to meet up. You manage to find the time in your busy schedule, but your friend has a habit of frequently cancelling at the last minute. It's important for you to collect your thoughts and feelings. Then, when you get a chance, communicate that you’ll no longer find time to meet them if they continue to disrespect your time.
Conclusion
It’s fair to say that setting boundaries isn’t an easy thing to do and quite honestly, can be very uncomfortable. Some people will find it easier than others.
Boundaries are extremely important for our well-being and the health of our relationships. Now you know how to set personal healthy boundaries so that you can have stronger relationships with others and with yourself.
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