Learning to Let go of Expectations Will Set You Free

Have you ever noticed that when you're in an airport planning to go away somewhere to enjoy yourself, everyone seems so chaotic, stressed and overwhelmed? Human beings want to feel in control and they have certain expectations of how they think something should be. But it’s the letting go of expectations that will set you free.

Expectations are kind of like a double-edged sword in a way. On one hand, they can motivate us and move us forward toward our goals. On the other hand, they can cause us stress, overwhelm, and anxiety. We must find a balance between unrealistic expectations and necessary expectations.

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Why letting go of expectations is a freeing habit

Let’s go back to the airport example. Last year when I went back to visit my family in England, the airport experience was quite intense. You could feel the tension and stress in the air. There was an airport staff shortage and multiple flight cancellations that left people very disappointed.

During this time, as I observed, I sort of realized that all of the self-development work is about moments like this. Not when we’re in the comfort of our home reading the new bestseller. But when we’re in real-world chaos. Have we done the reps to be able to maintain our cool, manage our emotions, and feel okay?

This doesn’t mean we take a blind eye to what the reality is. But it’s a chance for us to become more self-aware. What expectations did we have that didn’t get met? 

I believe that we should take unrealistic expectations quite seriously. Otherwise, it will harm our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Letting go of all of these expectations will make us feel more free.

Why it’s so hard to let go of expectations

A few years back when I was travelling in the US, I attended an Abraham Hicks workshop. I remember being sat on the beach and seeing a notification pop up about an event the following day. I felt compelled to attend.

At the event, I was fortunate enough to be called up into the hot seat to ask a question. Here is my full conversation with Abraham Hicks. However, I’ll summarize it here. I asked Abraham Hicks about struggling to be present and always looking ahead to what is next. The answer I received was all about bringing my attention to whatever feels good now at this moment. Nothing else is worth too much attention.

When we are focused on future events, there is less anxiety around the specific details because we have lots of time. Because of this, we naturally feel better. But when the time comes closer, we begin to feel uncomfortable. All of a sudden, we realize we don’t feel prepared for the thousands of things that fill our minds. We can’t easily let go of expectations because it gives us a sense of comfort and peace of mind.

Are your expectations unrealistic?

Tony Robbins always says to trade your expectations for appreciation and your world will change instantly.

Where in your life do you feel like you have unrealistic expectations and what opportunities do you have for growth?

We probably have specific memories as kids where we were left disappointed. Maybe a birthday party got cancelled, a family holiday didn’t go to plan, or you fell sick on the day of your team's most important sports game. It isn’t possible to predict or control situations in life.

Some expectations are okay, but others should be questioned. For example, in a relationship, it’s a fair expectation that you and your partner respect each other. On the other hand, expecting them to always want to do the same things as you are probably an unrealistic expectation.

Steps for letting go of expectations

Identify the expectations

Self-awareness is always the first step. Simply observe and notice what things you have expectations around. Do this without any judgment of yourself.

Evaluate the expectations

Once you’re aware, you can begin to evaluate your expectations. In other words, categorize if it’s something you want to let go of.

Practice Mindfulness

Being more present with your thoughts and observing your desires, feelings, and triggers around expectations.

Embrace the present moment

Not focusing so much on the expectations of future events, but focusing inwards. Be here and now. Accepting and embracing this moment.

Practice self-love

Some expectations are inward. They are the ones that we have of ourselves. The inner critic plays a big role in trying to hold us back. Find gratitude for yourself and the journey that you’re on.

Let go of the need for control

This is much harder said than done. But being able to let go of the need to control everything will give you more freedom. You can put your attention on the things you can control and be at peace with everything else.

Read: What to do if you feel overwhelmed with life

Learning to let go of expectations

Learning to let go of expectations isn’t an easy task. However, with careful attention and a commitment to work on this, it’s worthwhile. At the end of the day, we all want to create more happiness, inner peace, and freedom in our lives. Letting go of control and expectations will significantly help this process.