It’s alarming, extremely worrying, and very unfortunate that so many of us suffer what I believe to be, unnecessary heartbreak.
If you are reading this you are probably going through, or have recently experienced some pain, and are wondering; why relationships fail. Without question, there are multiple reasons, circumstances, and events that can have a negative impact on our relationships lasting. However, having experienced heartache multiple times myself, I have been fascinated with wanting to master this area of my life for future relationships, so that myself and others don’t have to suffer. Having experienced trauma in my life and witnessing a friends suicide, I can genuinely say that heartache is on par with that pain.
I now firmly believe there is one particular thing that leads to so many breakups. And if we can become aware of it, we can save our precious relationships.
That thing is:
Expectations
Have you ever been confused as to why a previous partner was mad at you for something?
The chances are that it was because, in their mind, they had an expectation of how something was supposed to go, or how you were supposed to act. And of course, when we do not meet those expectations – sadness, frustration, resentment, anger… are present within that person. Too many people enter a relationship with an expectation of how things should be or how the other person should act based on their idea of a perfect relationship. But this immediately sets a tone for disaster, in most cases.
We are all different, from a range of backgrounds, upbringings, and beliefs ingrained into our minds from a young age. What if there was a possibility that it’s okay that our beliefs aren’t the same as another person? That our beliefs aren’t the only acceptable ones? What if we decided to consider the possibility that we can still love our partners regardless if they aren’t being exactly what we expect, and to be okay with that? Imagine if we removed all expectations and learnt to love and appreciate them for who they are?
“Change your expectations for appreciation and the world changes instantly” – Tony Robbins
So How Do We Cut Expectations?
Obviously, there is a fine line here within morals and beliefs. Expecting your partner not to cheat on you, to return your calls, and to spend time with you is perfectly normal. The expectations that I’m talking about as to why relationships fail are:
- Personality traits
- Reasonable behaviors that we just don’t want to accept (spending time with their gender counterpart friends)
- Passions and interests
- How the other person values their time, and not respecting that
- Who pays for things
- Being selfish because your partner has other plans
- Something unfortunate came up which changed plans for you
- Doing things they don’t like doing
- Who should be doing what job
A lot of it comes down to selfishness, neediness, certain times – jealousy, and not being truly happy within our own skin. When we are happy within ourselves, we have less need for other people because we know we don’t need them. Rather, we enjoy spending time with them because we want to. That is why the very best relationships are between 2 individuals who are feeling happy and fulfilled in their own lives. They can then join in a romantic partnership to share amazing experiences together and to give love from a place on no conditions, without expecting something in return.
Learning to become comfortable and happy alone is really the key to having better relationships with others. Because if we can’t enjoy our own company, how can we ever expect anybody else to? So ask yourself the following questions: What expectations do you have from a partner? How would it feel/felt if those expectations were not there and you had the freedom to love unconditionally?