Let’s face it, most humans are motivated by the desire to feel happy on a consistent basis. Whether it’s the desire to have more money, a better job, awesome relationships, or your dream body – the end goal is usually, greater happiness. But why are we so obsessed with being happy? And if there is a special formula, what is the secret of happiness? Let’s take a look…
There is a Science to Happiness
Do you ever think that some people are just naturally happier?
That perhaps you weren’t meant to be that way?
Perhaps you’ve just been dealt the unhappiness card?
There is some truth in that…
And there is a little science to happiness, that is worthwhile understanding.
The following diagram is information shared from a speaker at a live Tony Robbins event a few years back. It is also something that is commonly discussed in psychology.
The 3 key factors that affect our happiness are:
- Genetics – Yes, it is true that some people are born happier than others. About 50% in fact. Don’t be alarmed, we’ll get into this shortly!
- Habits – We are in control of our lives through our thoughts, feelings, and actions. By creating better habits, we become happier. 40% comes from our habits.
- Circumstances – Part of our happiness is down to our circumstances. Losing a job, loss of a loved one, stolen property, etc… The final 10% of our happiness is determined by our circumstances.
What the expert says
Beyond all the research in textbooks and online, I spoke with a few counsellors from the life coaching school that I attended. I wanted to know what some of the most common complaints were when it came to happiness. What is it that people believed would make them happier? Interestingly, each counsellor gave me different responses.
Question: What do clients believe is the biggest thing that is stopping them from feeling happier in their life?
Answers:
- “They believe that the biggest thing stopping them from happiness is their families expectations of them and being unable to meet them.”
- “Many of my clients believe that they need to be at a certain level of success to feel happy.”
- “The biggest thing that I hear is my clients recognizing that they don’t feel happy because ultimately, they have very low self-esteem. They don’t see themselves as they would like to be.”
- “Some believe that their traumatic experiences in life have permanently hindered their ability to feel true inner peace and happiness.”
What’s interesting, is that many of us have these ideas of what we think will make us happy. And it seems as though everyone is living their life trying to do what makes us feel happy But why is there so much unhappiness? Could it be that we all have the wrong idea?
Why Positive thinking just won’t cut it
As an optimist myself, I have been guilty in the past of being too positive and pretty much ignoring unwanted realities at times. We are all emotional beings, and pretending that we don’t feel negative emotion is unhealthy and extremely unrealistic.
Find out how too much positivity could be holding you back.
Instead, I would suggest to accept what is and allow yourself to feel the emotions that you feel. Try to observe and understand your feelings. Oftentimes, those painful emotions actually give us more opportunity to feel happier feelings. This is because we have something to compare the emotions to, so we truly appreciate the good feelings.
No need to worry
There are different factors that impact our happiness, as discussed already. But the great news is we really do have the ability to change our own happiness. Because genetics is not enough of an excuse to claim you weren’t “meant to be happy”. Think about it, if you had the worst possible happiness genetics, and you decided to not become a victim and to create healthier and happier habits – you would already be out of an unhappiness slump for almost 50% of the time. Many people are stuck in unhappiness 24/7.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Over time, our conditioning can actually change our base level of happiness if we continue to feed our body with positive habits. This is because, when we focus on positive habits, we actually create neural pathways in our brain for happiness. Our natural state starts to drift towards being happy, rather than being down all of the time.
And The Secret of Happiness Is…
There are 3 main factors that help to create happiness, which are:
- Gratitude – practicing gratitude puts us into a positive state, in which no negativity can be present at the time of gratitude. The more often we live our lives with gratitude, the happier we become.
- Progress – making any kind of progress makes us feel alive. It makes us feel like we are moving forward, and therefore we feel happy. As humans, without growth, we would cease to exist. Life is way more than existence.
- Presence – I once read that: Too much time in the past causes us to be depressed, and too much time spent in the future causes anxiety and worry. The place that true peace and happiness exist is in the present moment.
Find out the:
7 Traits of Super Happy People
To conclude
In a fast-paced world full of expectations, comparisons to others, and false social media filters, that make us feel worse about our lives, it is no wonder so many people are suffering from mental health issues. But when we really begin to shift our focus to what is important, what is real, and what makes us get out of bed in the morning, the grey skies can begin to clear. I’d love to know your thoughts below, and please share if you found this post useful.